Great public speeches build on conflict — opposing ideas, values, or visions. But in today’s contentious environment, civility is essential.

In the past, I’ve argued that

Great speeches are born in conflict. They address matters of consequence, when the stakes are high. They are delivered with passion and they rouse passion in the audience.

The ingredients of a great speech are conflict, high stakes, passion.

Take the conflict out of a public speech and, more than likely, you’ll take the energy, excitement, and purpose out of it.

Think of it this way: If everyone agrees with what you’re proposing — if, in short, there’s no conflict, no disagreement, no opposition — you really have no reason to be speaking.

So, don’t shy away from conflict. Sharpen it. 

One of the best ways to highlight your idea is to contrast or juxtapose it to an opposing idea. “This, not that.”

But you have to be careful with conflict, because there is already too much acrimony — too little civility — in the public arena these days.

The point of a speech is to engage your audience in a conversation that allows them to change. To change their behavior, their thinking, or their feelings.

People will not change — at least, not in the way you want them to — if you make them feel angry, attacked, ridiculed, disrespected, or humiliated.

Public speaking, to be effective, must also be civil speaking. Respectful, courteous, considerate. 

Attack an idea all you want. Have at it. But don’t attack the people who hold that idea. And, above all, don’t attack anyone in your audience.

The more aggressively you attack an idea, the more courteously you have to speak.

In my opinion, the greatest speech in American history is Abraham Lincoln’s Second Inaugural Address. As the Civil War was winding down, Lincoln contrasted the two sides — the North and the South — and why they fought. Making the strongest possible case for the North’s position (preserving the Union while abolishing slavery), he refrained from demonizing the South. Throughout his speech, he spoke “with malice toward none, with charity for all.”

Civility comes across in the words you use, your tone of voice, your attitude.

Civility does not …mean the mere outward gentleness of speech cultivated for the occasion, but an inborn gentleness and desire to do the opponent good.

– Mahatma Gandhi

 

 

To win a contract for a large construction project these days, you have to show the customer how and why your company’s proposal gives them the best value.

Your written proposal begins the process. But contracts are often won or lost during the follow-up presentation or interview.

Sometimes you’ll be asked to make a formal presentation with a set agenda and PowerPoint slides. More and more frequently, your team will be asked to participate in an interview.

Both formats—the formal presentation and the interview—require the same amount of preparation and practice.

Three Rules for Making Persuasive Construction Proposal Interviews and Presentations

Rule #1: Begin With Them and Their Needs

Your written proposal has already established your capabilities to some degree. It got you to the next round: the interview or presentation.

So don’t begin by talking about yourself and how great your company is.

Start, instead, by telling the customer what you know about them, their needs, their projectwhat they want and why they want it. You’ll win extra brownie points by pointing out the project’s unique challenges and opportunities.

All you’re trying to do at the beginning is to establish your credibility and to win the customer’s confidence. You want them to let down their guard, to say in effect “You get me.”

Rule #2: Prove Your Value.

Once you and the customer are in agreement on what they want, how they want it, why they want it, it’s time to show them how you’ll give it to them.

Value is relative. The value of your proposal is always judged in relationship to the value offered by someone else.

You win a contract by convincing the customer that you’ll give them more of what they want and less of what they don’t want than the competition.

Rule #3: Show How You’re Different

Customers can often weed out proposals that fall short of what they’re looking for. But they sometimes struggle to choose between the top two contenders.

Your proposal and that of one other company may be similar in price and approach. Both of your companies may have comparable experience and capabilities.

A great way to make your company stand out is to talk about your differentiators or discriminators: things that make you different from the completion in a way that benefits the customer.

Those things may be your people (their experience, expertise, values), your processes (especially if they’re proprietary), or your tools and technology.

By following these three rules, you will make the best of your construction proposal interviews and presentations.

Check out What Is an Oral Proposal?

Photo courtesy of Adam. at Flickr.com

Wedding Speech TipsWedding speeches are easier to pull off if you follow a few basic rules.

Wedding Speech Tips: Dos

#1: Do Show Your Love

Whether you’re making a toast or giving a speech, whether you’re the best man or maid of honor, the father or mother, the bride or the groom, the reason you’re speaking is because you have a special relationship with someone–with the bride or the groom.

Let your love for that person show, and people will love you for it.

This is one of those occasions when it’s not only okay, but expected for you to gush. Be authentic. Put yourself and your feelings out there for people to see.

#2: Celebrate the Bride or Groom (or both)

Your job is to speak from your unique perspective–sharing your knowledge and love–to honor the couple and to express everyone else’s love and hopes for them.

Make the couple and the other guests–families and friends–feel warm and happy.

#3: Do Tell a Story

Tell a story (or maybe two) that shows what you find loveable about the person you’re honoring.

#4: Do Keep It Short

People may be eating and drinking or they may be waiting to eat. There are a lot of distractions. There will be any number of speeches.

To maintain people’s attention and goodwill, keep your remarks focused and to the point.

#5: Do Use Humor

Humor is a good way to keep your speech from becoming overly sentimental. And it adds to people’s enjoyment…as long as it’s appropriate. (See below.)

Wedding Speech Tips: Don’ts

#1: Don’t Embarrass Anyone

Save your embarrassing stories for the bachelor or bachelorette party.

Remember, your goal is to show your love and to celebrate the bride or groom. It is not to embarrass them. And it is not to embarrass the guests who may include children and grandparents.

#2: Don’t Make It About You

Yes, you are to show your love. Yes, you are to keep it personal. But keep the focus on the person you’re honoring.

You want people to love and appreciate the bride or groom, not you.

#3: Don’t Wing It

Short speeches require more preparation than long speeches. Write it out. Rehearse it a number of times. Then speak from notes. Don’t read it word for word.

#4: Don’t Get Drunk

Using alcohol to calm your nerves is a risky proposition.

Do this instead: 1) Prepare your speech. 2) Practice it. 3) Focus on the person you’re honoring and on your love for him/her, not on yourself.

#5: Don’t Embarrass Anyone

Did I already make this point?

Weddings have a certain formality. There are rules of decorum that sometimes make people feel the need to rebel or to be a little bit crude. Resist that urge.

People at a wedding are a receptive, appreciative audience. They want to have a good time. They want to celebrate their love of the bride and groom. They want you to succeed. So be prepared. Be yourself. And have a good time.

Avoid this mistake when writing a speechThere are many advantages to writing out a speech.

But there are mistakes, too, that you can make, whether you’re a beginner or a seasoned pro.

Writing your speech (not just outlining it, but writing it word for word) allows you to:

  • Clarify in your own mind what you want to say, what’s important
  • Make your speech tighter, more focused, more logical
  • Strengthen the transitions from one point to the next
  • Eliminate redundancies, digressions and tangential material, unnecessary phrases and sentences
  • Create emotionally engaging and memorable passages
  • Craft a story that builds through tension and suspense to a satisfying and insightful conclusion

Check out Should You Write Out Your Speech?

You may not have the time to write out every speech you give, but you owe it to your audience and to yourself to write out those speeches that have a lot riding on them.

(Or–shameless plug–you could have me or some other speechwriter help you.)

When writing a speech, there is one mistake you’ll want to avoid.

The most glaring speechwriting mistake is to make it sound like it’s written.

A written speech is, of course, written. But it should be written in a way that doesn’t sound as if it has been written. It should be written for the ear, not for the eye, to be heard, not to be read.

It should sound natural, almost conversational, like the dialogue in a well-written movie or play.

Most people will tell you to keep your sentences short and to avoid big words. It’s as if they want you to sound like a bad imitation of Ernest Hemingway.

I think you should sound like yourself at your wittiest, most articulate, most authentic moments. 

Your aim is first to make yourself understood, second to engage your audience’s hearts and minds in a way that wins them to your way of thinking, and third–if possible–to beguile them.

As you write your speech, speak it out loud. Does it sound natural? Does it sound like something you might actually say? Does it flow out of your mouth effortlessly? If so, great.

If not, if your speech sounds like writing, not like speech, rewrite it.

bad public speaking tipsI’ve been given plenty of bad advice about public speaking over the years.

In classrooms, workshops, Toastmasters meetings and from coaches, I’ve learned tips about public speaking that sounded reasonable at the time. But they were wrong.

The Five Worst Public Speaking Tips

Bad Tip #1: Imagine your audience in their underwear.

Doing so is supposed to build your confidence.

The reasoning behind this tip (such as it is) goes something like this: If you see people stripped of all dignity, you won’t be intimidated by them.

There are two problems with this approach. First, it demeans your audience, when you should respect and call out their best. And second, it assumes that you can only feel good about yourself when you think less of others.

Here’s what I suggest instead.

Identify with your audience members. See them as you see yourself–imperfect, but good willed, trying your best in a difficult situation, seeking a way to live a better life (if only in a small way).

Speak to them as you would to a friend.

Continue Reading…

How Not to Begin a SpeechThe beginning of a speech is a tricky thing.

In a short amount of time, you have to gain the audience’s attention, make a connection with them, establish your credibility, and introduce your topic.

There are several good ways to begin a speech (check out How to Start a Speech), but there are three really bad ways to start one.

How NOT to Begin a Speech

1. Do Not Apologize

Beginning with an apology — “I’m really sorry I didn’t have time to prepare what I’m going to say today…” — is lame.

Such an apology doesn’t excuse your lack of preparation. It only calls attention to your lack of professionalism. And it lets the audience know they don’t have to pay attention. Why should they bother to listen when you didn’t bother to prepare?

2. Do Not Waste Time on Pleasantries

Thanking the meeting planner, the organization, or the audience for allowing you to speak is fluff. Telling them how honored you are or how happy you are to be able to speak to them is trite.

Show your appreciation by giving a great speech. Focus on one idea that will change how they think or feel or, more importantly, act. Make you idea vivid, memorable, and actionable.

3. Do Not Tell a Joke

Starting a speech with self-deprecating humor is fine. Starting with a joke invites disaster.

Unless you are a known comedian (not just in your own estimation) and unless the audience is primed to laugh, your opening joke will bomb. And it’ll be hard for you to regain your composure and the audience’s confidence.

What’s your experience with speech openings? What do you recommend not doing?

persuasionUsing reason and logic to counter Trump’s rhetoric — his tweets, off-the-cuff remarks, speeches — doesn’t work.

You can fact check his statements, and cite glaring errors. You can point to his tweets or video clips in which he made contradictory statements. You can punch gaping holes in the logic of his arguments.

All to no avail.

It’s as if reason and logic — the mainstays of traditional rhetoric — don’t apply to Trump. Nor do they sway his supporters.

Why not?

The knee-jerk response is to write off Trump and his supporters as illogical and irrational. Defective in some way.

But I don’t think that’s the case. And it doesn’t give us any insight into their behavior or how we might influence it.

For most of us — not just Trump and his supporters — reason and logic aren’t the main drivers that inform our thinking or guide our behavior.

At some primal level we function in a pre-rational — not an irrational — manner. We act not illogically, but without logic.

Logic is a mental discipline with its own rules and processes. Many of which are counter-intuitive.

Logic isn’t something we naturally pick up: it has to be learned. Usually later in life.

In our earliest, most formative years, our brains simply are not wired for logic.

There’s a reason why we use logic infrequently. It’s hard work. It takes time. It requires a detached, somewhat cool and calculating mind.

After all, it takes time and energy to think things through. To examine the evidence and weigh its validity. To make conscious our personal biases and account for how they influence our thinking. To formulate an argument and test its logic. To engage others in an open dialogue, with the willingness to change our thinking as a result.

Most of us don’t take the time, make the effort, or know how to think things through rationally and logically.

It is easier and faster to react to new people, events, or ideas reflexively, relying on a largely unconscious set of gut instincts, inherited beliefs, and deeply ingrained habits.

We can’t reason people out of beliefs, prejudices, erroneous assumptions that they didn’t reason themselves into.

If we want to influence people (like Trump supporters), if we want to change how they think and act, we have to take a different approach.

We can — and should — use reason and logic to develop our own positions, proposals, solutions. But in advocating for them, we need to present a message that speaks to people’s more basic, instinctual, gut-level fears, hopes, and attachments.

It’s fire in the belly that moves people, not the cold light of logic and reason.

 

Reason and logic in a speech do not rouse audiences, lift their spirits, set their hearts on fire.

Reason and logic do not shape the way people imagine the world or what is possible and desirable.

Reason and logic do not move audiences to action.

Doubt me?

Consider Donald Trump.

His speeches do not employ logic or reason, verifiable facts, or consistency of thought. And yet they have mobilized an army of true believers.

Trump’s opponents try valiantly to counter his rhetoric. They “fact check” his statements and show them to be demonstrably false. They quote him against himself, showing earlier video clips or tweets that contradict his later claims. They poke gaping holes in his reasoning, such as it is.

But all the well-reasoned and logical efforts of Trump’s opponents fail to dampen the appeal of his message, the fervor of his followers.

Why?

Because we are not primarily rational creatures.

Reason and logic aren’t built into us. We come into this world with hardwired urges, appetites, instincts, and emotional predispositions.

No one needs to teach us to fear or envy or covet or resent, or to love or enjoy or trust or hope. (To be sure, others may teach us who or what to fear, envy, etc. And they may distort or enrich our urges and desires.)

But we have to learn how to use reason and logic.

And it’s a tough slog.

For most of us, most of the time, reason and logic fail to sway us from what our guts tell us, from what feels right.

To counter Trump’s rhetoric, a more reasonable and logical counterargument isn’t sufficient.

I’m not sure what will work.

I’m playing around with the idea that an approach more persuasive than reason and logic is based on three principles:

  1. The importance of belonging and adhering to the rules and customs of a tribe.
  2. The power of stories to shape our understanding of the world and how it works.
  3. The appeal of magical thinking.

In future posts, I’ll try to tease out what I mean by tribe, stories, and magical thinking.

What do you think?

 

 

 

Master the art of small talkSmall talk is the foundation on which every other type of conversation builds.

It requires skill, especially—but not solely—for introverts.

Small talk is what most of us do most of the time. We simply talk to each other without an agenda. We chat. We converse. We shoot the breeze.

Here are seven guidelines to help you become better at small talk

1. Be Prepared

Just because there’s no agenda doesn’t mean you can’t prepare yourself for small talk.

Before going to dinner with friends or to a networking event or to drinks after work with colleagues, think of things you might talk about.

Who’s going to be there? What do you know about them, their interests, and their recent activities? What would you like to know about them? What would you be interested in talking to them about?

2. Start with a Greeting

Sounds simple, right? Because it is.

Say “hello” and shake hands. If you’re with other people, make room for the person who’s joining you and introduce them.

3. Remember Names

Calling someone by name is a great way to acknowledge them and make them feel important.

4. Know What to Talk About

Small talk deals with issues and concerns that are safe and easy for everyone to talk about. So steer away from topics that might be controversial, embarrassing, painful, or personally invasive.

At social gatherings, you can talk about what brought them there or if they know anyone.

In a business setting (but generally not in a social situation), you can talk about their jobs or your job, and what they or you are currently working on.

You can always talk about the weather, future or past travel, drink and food (if you’re sharing a meal), interests, and entertainment (sports, movies, books)

You can ask about any issue they raise first. For example, if they mention a daughter, you can ask about her. And you can ask them the same question they first asked you.

5. Maintain the Flow

Small talk—like any good conversation—has an easy give and take to it. You talk some. I talk. You talk. I talk. It requires everyone involved to contribute something (to have something to say) and to listen (to allow the other person or people to say something).

6. Keep it Light

Small talk is about enjoying your time with another person for a moment. It may or may not lead to anything more—to a deeper conversation, to shared intimacies, to an ongoing relationship. And that’s okay. Having a pleasant time with others is a worthy goal in and by itself.

7. End it Gracefully

All you need to do is look the other person in the eye and say something like, “It’s been a pleasure” or “Nice talking with you” or “Have a great day.

In this world where everyone seems stressed and in a hurry, where conversations all too often turn combative, where personal interactions are judged by how useful or productive they are, small talk is an overlooked kindness. Try it.

using acronyms in a presentationIt’s almost impossible to give a technical presentation without using acronyms.

It’s often difficult, ineffective, and unnecessary to eliminate acronyms when you’re giving a presentation as a technical expert to other technical experts in your own field.

But how about when you’re giving a technical presentation to a non-technical audience? Or to an audience that’s mixed: some technical experts in your field, some people who are experts in other technical fields, and some people who aren’t technical in a strict sense (sales and marketing, HR, finance, legal)?

Two general principles govern the use of acronyms in any technical presentation: 1) Clarity, and 2) Credibility.

First, you have to be clear.

If you confuse your audience, you lose them.

When you use an acronym that your audience doesn’t understand, they’ll try to figure it out. The problem is, while they’re parsing what you said, they stop listening to what you’re currently saying. Which is a bad thing.

If they can’t figure out what you mean and if you confuse them often enough, they’ll stop listening to you altogether. They may even resent you.

So, above all else, be clear.

Second, you have to be credible.

There are, of course, many ways to establish credibility in a technical presentation: being personally credible (shown by your experience, education, and reputation), an abundance of evidence, and well-reasoned logic.

(See my piece on How to Establish Credibility in a Speech or Presentation.)

A subtle, but effective way to sound credible as an expert in your technical field is to speak the language of that field.

And that’s where acronyms come into play.

Acronyms are the shorthand that technical experts use when speaking to each other.

A familiarity and ease with acronyms communicate to people in the field that “you’re one of us.”

Two rules govern using acronyms in a technical presentation: 1) Use acronyms everyone understands, and/or 2) Explain them as you use them.

If you’re sure that everyone in your audience knows an acronym, use it. Don’t pause. Don’t explain it. Simply use it as you’d use any other commonly understood word.

The trick here, of course, is being sure that everyone knows what the acronym means.

Explaining the acronym is more effective than spelling it out.

Simply spelling out an acronym doesn’t necessarily make it any clearer. Not to those who aren’t already in the know.

For example, saying a POA&M is a Plan of Actions and Milestones may not help someone unfamiliar with the term. It’s better to say something like, “A POA&M is a management tool for outlining and tracking a complex development or remediation project through its various steps.”

That short explanation may be enough, depending on the audience and the reason you’re using the acronym in the first place.

It’s up to you to know your audience and your presentation’s objective to determine how best to use acronyms. Don’t avoid using them. But don’t assume that everyone will understand them.

Above all else, be clear and be credible.

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